Curator Roomies
by The Master of Dimensions Jr
Summary: The Murderess gets assigned a new roommate in the form of the plucky rookie adventurer, Mia. Will the deadly heiress learn to appreciate this wild girl's company? Minor spoilers ahead.
**This random idea came to mind when I had the chance to play again. Even though they don't seem to have any post-battle banter or particular interaction together, I figure I should give them a shot. This category could use more fics of them either way, right?**

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The Murderess didn't have a problem with lazy days. There weren't many given out like candy from BLADE as there was always something to do. With the Lifehold Core still in large and hostile aliens aiming to wipe out what's left of humanity, of course there would be a huge need for active BLADEs to get out and go. For her, lazy days were just needed days off from the constant push for get-rich-quick schemes.

At first, she disliked having them if it meant not getting her paycheck. They served as major hindrances toward fulfilling her dream.

But with her current fortune amassed to where it was now, she felt that she could take some time to enjoy the luxuries she was able to afford. Such luxuries mainly pertained to her refurbished quarters in the BLADE Barracks. She currently sat on a comfortable leather armchair, resting her feet on the sides of the long table in front while fiddling with her comm device on hand. A steaming fresh cup of tea made from a recipe Hope taught her was placed a short distance away from her boots.

The enhanced renovations were done some time after her previous roommates were killed in action. She honestly could say that she had nothing to do with their demise. The blame fell between the Ganglion forces and hostile indigens, as well as their own carelessness. She got along with them for the most part, but refused to share any of her acquired wealth with them.

That was just how life in Mira went. It was literally a survival of the fittest, not survival of the fattest as she once overheard from L passing his shop at one point.

Murderess also noted that the Jolly Xeno was conversing with Team Elma at that time when she quickly passed through Armory Alley. She caught sight of Cross from the side after rolling her eyes over L's butchery over human metaphors once again. That rook handpicked by Elma herself was certainly an intriguing individual.

Highly competent and efficient in dangerous missions, it was no wonder that he complemented the silver-haired Team Leader well. From what she had gathered from previous missions with him, he led the foolishly fearless full-frontal assault by overwhelming his enemies with great power and speed. Elma would take the more pragmatic approach, sneaking from behind and weakening foes with her deadly strikes. And then there was Lin, who was remarkably sturdy and full of energy for someone her size and age. She would distract hostile forces and endure their attacks with her remarkable defenses while her older teammates dealt with them.

And Tatsu simply wound up being their adorable little mascot.

Murderess would be lying if she said that she wasn't envious of Elma having such a dependable and handsome teammate like Cross. It already felt strange to her that despite having backstabbed him and Irina on their first mission together in Noctilum, she grew to be fond of him and hoped that there would be no future need to backstab him again for the reward.

Not that she would ever admit it out loud, but still, she cared enough to go along with him to fight a powerful disaster vigent during a bet against her late friend, Yolanda. He even helped her overcome a demon from her past that managed to follow her all the way to Mira, giving her a chance to move on from that previously held hatred and start anew to one day readopt the name 'Sharon Effinger' as hers.

The amnesiac upstart had an inexplicably magnetic personality that drew many towards him, herself included. Elma and Lin were already affectionate over him under varying degrees. The BLADE higher-ups had high hopes for him. Other BLADEs, NLA citizens, and xenos looked up to him for inspiration. Even Irina was hinted to have taken a liking to him despite being an open man-hater, which gave the Murderess the additional pleasure of pissing her off whenever she decided to put the moves on him.

Though before she could continue her mental dissection of the BLADE prodigy, the notification beeps from her comm device stole her concentration.

"Paging Murderess, this is Walter," Walter's voice echoed from the device.

"This is Murderess," she responded neutrally. "Got a high paying mission for me?"

"Mmm, in a way, you'll be gaining something out of all of this," the BLADE instructor answered. There was something in his voice that made his objectives dubious. The Effinger heiress would know of such tells, after all. "Long story short, Cross of Team Elma has just rescued someone from the Ganglion forces deep within Cauldros as of very recently."

"Why does that not surprise me," Murderess remarked, bearing a soft smile upon hearing his name.

"This individual he rescued was someone that I had previously taught in the BLADE academy," Walter continued. "Her name is Mia. She worked as a mechanic for New LA and had failed to become a BLADE. However, despite being a washout, she had quite the determination, which was why she left on an 'adventure' of her own and wound up captured in Cauldros."

"Riveting," Murderess interrupted dully. "Tell me why I should I care about this chick?"

"Because it has been decided that this 'chick' is now your newest roommate," Walter finished.

Had Murderess been sipping her tea during the announcement, she would calmly place her expensive and fragile tea cup down to prevent damage before performing a comical spit take. Instead, she hovered a finger over the mute button and took a deep breath to compose herself before speaking.

"… I didn't know April Fools' Day came early this year," Murderess jested as calmly as she could.

"It didn't," Walter rebutted sternly. "I deemed Mia adequate to pass as a true BLADE after everything she's been through, including the shared valuable intel she obtained on the Definians' ability of disguise. She is now a Curator like us. And seeing as there's plenty of room with you, it was decided to have you two room with each other."

"And I don't get a say in any of this?" Murderess argued. "I spruced up the place when my previous roommates were killed, all for me."

"Sorry, but I'm afraid not this time, Murderess," Walter replied. "BLADE orders are final. You know how Commander Vandham is strict on having all of us getting along to get the job done. You'll just have to learn to share again. Be warned, though, that you two will be responsible for each other. Also, she just arrived back at New LA today. Commander Vandham has just about finished clearing her. Give her a warm reception and welcome home, would you?"

"Well, I suppose now would be a good time as any to show off the ol' award-winning Effinger hospitality," Murderess quipped. "Fine. I'll babysit your prodigal child. I expect a fat raise for future missions coming from you."

"It'll depend on how you do," Walter said. "Signing out now."

With that, he hung up. Placing her comm device back into her pocket with a huff, Murderess got to her feet and started to pace around her table. Before she could contemplate a suitable next course of action, a courteous knock resounded from her front door.

"Come in!" Murderess called out in the sweetest voice she could muster; it involved trudging back to her wealthy childhood to channel that personality before the cold-blooded murder of her parents had happened.

The metal door slid open, revealing a cheerful blond girl with emerald-green eyes of nineteen-years, dressed in a short-sleeved, open-cleavage variant of simple BLADE armor.

"It's-a me!" she exclaimed. "… Ah! Get it? Geettt it?! 'It's-a Mi-a!' Meaning me! And 'ah'! Put them together and you get Mia! Which is me! Eh?!"

"Hon, please don't explain the joke," Murderess sighed, shaking her head.

"Eh heh heh, sorry," Mia chuckled, sheepishly rubbing the back of her head before stepping into the Murderess's den. "Anyway, I'm Mia! You must be the Murderess, my new roomie. Sweet! Nice place you got here too! A bit too extravagant for my tastes, but I'm not picky. I can get used to this."

"Hmph, you seem eager to room with someone who calls herself the 'Murderess,' hon," Murderess indicated wryly.

"Yeah, yeah, heard the stories of you stabbing and shooting someone in the back for money and all that jazz," Mia quickly brushed off before slowing her pace. "But hearing that you worked with the Chief in several missions made me think that you're not as bad a person other BLADEs made you out to be."

"Uh, who's the 'Chief'?" Murderess inquired. "I didn't think there'd be others going around BLADE with self-righteous pennames aside from yours truly."

"Oh, he's only known as the Chief by me," Mia explained, giving a playful wink while sticking her tongue out briefly. "Everyone else here knows him as Cross of Team Elma, but to me, he's the one and only Chief for me! He's the one that pulled me out of the Ganglion Antropolis in Cauldros!"

The Effinger girl blinked successively before breaking into an amused shrug and giggle.

"Again, why am I not surprised," Murderess enunciated, impressed by the amnesiac's latest feat of befriending quite the plucky young girl. Then again, he did get her to open her heart to him and trusted him with many of her secrets and past events. "So… Mia, was it? I suppose you want to move in now."

"Can I?!" Mia questioned enthusiastically, zipping right in front of her. Murderess soon felt a horrible odor sneak up her nose, making her almost wanting to vomit immediately. "The stuff I left behind here in New LA has already been packed up and is sitting outside the door. It'd be nice to finally settle in for once in a soft bed and−!"

"Ugh! What the hell?!" Murderess cried out, quickly stepping back while waving a hand fiercely in front of her face. "Were you rolling around in suid crap before deciding to come to my chambers and defiling it with your stink?!"

"Uh… Oh, yeah," Mia drawled nervously, bearing a guilty smile. "I… haven't had a proper shower since I came back to New LA. And I wasn't able to bathe while being held captive and another thing is that I've actually gotten used to my natural feral scent so−."

"Enough," Murderess hissed with the utmost frigidity, pointing at a certain direction into her barracks. "The bathroom is over there. _Please_ clean yourself up before presenting yourself like that to me again. Use whatever it takes to get that horrible smell off of your mim. I'll pull your stuff in."

"You'd really do that for me?"

"If it means not throwing up and passing out right now, then yes. Didn't think mims can get so smelly…"

"Oh, thank goodness! You're a life saver, Murderess! Which is kinda ironic with your nickname and all."

"Just go already."

"On it!"

Mia gave her a friendly salute before kneeling down and preparing to unstrap her boots. The Murderess felt a ghastly chill crawl upon her back just from watching. She already felt her mimeosome nose starting to melt off out of sheer apprehension if Mia was to pull off her first boot.

"Do it in the bathroom, not out here," Murderess interjected coolly.

"Hang on, it's almost off," Mia muttered, fumbling with the last strap before attempting to pull her foot out.

A rough cough from the Murderess caused the Rookie to notice the threatening glare she was giving her. Though her violet eyes and piercing look were naturally threatening, the way she appeared now actually made Mia little fearful for her life, more than when she was probed by the Ganglion.

"Well?" Murderess demanded.

"Riiiiight, don't want to flood the room with my foot smell," Mia grinned awkwardly, catching the hint at last. "They're not _that_ bad, though I wonder how feet can smell if they don't have a nose."

Seeing Murderess nearly pull out her pistol made Mia quickly shuffle out of the room and to the bathroom, nearly tripping over due to her loose boot. A slippery squelch was heard when Mia tumbled in front of the bathroom door, followed by a loud quick apology. The Deadly One gave an outward sigh while hiding away her pistol.

"Where are my special scented candles?" Murderess murmured to herself, scouring through her available cabinets and collecting them in her arms to remedy the damage that Mia has already done simply by entering her barracks.

After placing them at various corners to cover the main area and lighting them up, she took off to her front door to take care of Mia's belongings. A couple of large rolling luggage bags and a duffel bag were waiting by the side of the entrance.

The Rookie was fortunate that no one had the balls to make off with her stuff, but then again, who would want to attempt to steal even anything from the front door of the Murderess?

Only those with a real death wish, that's who.

Murderess brought the duffel bag in first, tossing it to the side by one of her sofas. She heard the rumbling of rushing water in the bathroom. It sounded like Mia just started her needed hot shower. She then went back outside and pulled her remaining luggage in, sliding them along the polished floors and stationing by her duffel bag.

She let out a big contented exhale, thankful that chore was finished. The only thing to do was to wait for Mia to finish cleaning herself up. Murderess was a bit worried though in the regards of her precious toiletries being used by some commoner. Then again, the cause was extreme enough for her to bend her own rules and let her use whatever to get clean.

Fretting over her luxuries would just wind up with unnecessary discomfort. Instead, the Effinger heiress was smart enough to take a deep breath of the fragrant scent of her lilac candles and enjoy the tea she still didn't get a chance to sip.

As such, she resumed her previous place at her comfy chair, took a sip of her rather cooled tea, and decided to figure out how to budget her current wealth through her comm device. She was able to deal with roommates before. Having one more despite occupying all of the available space with her stuff shouldn't be too much for her to handle at least for today.

In a few minutes after settling down, the sound of rushing water came to a halt. Murderess assumed that Mia had just finished up, which was remarkably fast at least for a young woman. Then again, she didn't seem like the type who'd fuss over her appearance as most girls would, preferring to go out and get dirty instead. Disregarding that, she continued to fiddle with her spreadsheet while expecting her new roommate to walk out of the bathroom wrapped in one of her towels to look for new clothes.

Another handful of minutes had passed and there was no sign of Mia coming out. Murderess didn't show it, but she was wondering what her new roommate was up to.

Ten minutes soon passed. Murderess had already finished planning out her budget and expenses for the next month. There was still no indication of Mia.

" _Sigh_ … I swear if she slipped on a bar of soap and got her head stuck in the toilet," Murderess grumbled, getting up from her chair and went over to the main bathroom.

As she got to the bathroom door, she was able to hear Mia's muffled voice on the other side. Murderess also looked down to see one of Mia's discarded boots in front of the door, no doubt having been the first one she attempted to undo before slipping out of it by tripping over it. Carelessly nudging the boot away with a kick, Murderess pulled out her comm device and used her barrack's emergency key to wirelessly unlock the bathroom door.

The Effinger heiress barged through once the door slid open.

"Hey, hon, your head is… safe?"

Instead of expecting to find Mia attempting to pull her head out of the toilet, she found the Rookie lounging in her private bathtub full of foam and bubbles. Her bathroom was special in which the shower had its own stall and the bathtub was for relaxation purposes. Her _own_ relaxation purposes, in short.

Unsure on how to perceive the situation, Murderess merely watched Mia play with the bubbles while humming some childish tune.

" _~ Happy Mia, sad Mia, mentally retarded Mia_ ," Mia sang cheerfully, swinging her hands in tune to her song. "~ _Super Mia, drama Mia, big fat_ _Mama Mia_!" She enunciated the last two words in a faux Italian accent before noticing that the Murderess was also in the bathroom. "Hey, roomie! What's cookin'!"

"You're… in my bathtub," Murderess managed to say, not caring that Mia didn't seem to mind having intruders during her private time.

Did this girl have no shame or what?

"Yeeaaah, I've been dying for a nice hot bath and you said I could use whatever to get cleaned," Mia reasoned coyly.

"Don't you know all that dirt from your body is in that water you're bubbling in, hon?" Murderess scolded, regaining her bearings.

"I promise to clean it all up! Bathtub included!" Mia exclaimed, holding her hands up defensively while another thought came to her head. "Oh, yeah!" She then lifted her feet out of the foam and wiggled her small toes in the air. "I made sure these puppies were clean and fresh first as you would've wanted them. Come smell them!"

"I'd rather pull off my limbs piece by piece," Murderess murmured sardonically, walking over to where Mia's head was laying on the bathtub. "What did you use for the bath anyway?"

"I found one of your special foaming bath salts called Godmelon Grenada," Mia explained. "I wanted to use some of it."

"At least you have good taste," Murderess remarked with a small smile before a disturbing thought came to mind. "Hold on. How much did you use? There's no way a couple of scoops could produce this much foam."

"Eh, I accidentally dropped the whole thing," Mia said uneasily, lifting a big glass jar filled with foam. "… Sorry."

Murderess felt her right eye develop a nasty twitch.

"Don't you know… how _hard_ it is to obtain those?!" Murderess growled. Mia cringed into the water by the surprising volume of her anger. "Those salts are not only high-priced, but there are barely any on the shelves these days! And I didn't even get a chance to try it out…"

"I already feel bad wasting them, so maybe you could have mine instead?" Mia proposed, causing Murderess to take a double take.

"… W-What?"

"I also chose Godmelon Grenada because I have an unopened jar of it in my luggage," Mia resumed. "I got it as a gift from a friend when we thought I was going to graduate from BLADE academy. Sadly, that didn't happen, but my friend told me to keep it anyway. She's such a sweetie. Anyway, I didn't have a chance to enjoy it because I wanted to prove to Walter and the rest of the world what I was made of. Seeing that I used yours up, I guess the best new roomie gift I can give now is my own."

"… Where is it?" Murderess asked calmly.

"Try the top pocket of the largest roll-on," Mia suggested.

Murderess quickly went out of the bathroom and back to the living room where Mia's luggage waited. Following her instructions, she unzipped the top pocket and found her unopened jar of Godmelon Grenada foaming bath salts. There was also a card attached on a ribbon hanging around the neck. A quick peak over it revealed that it was from Mia's friend, who remained a mechanic, but continued to root for her anyway.

The Effinger girl felt a heavy lump in her throat. This guilt was particularly strong as she rarely experienced this feeling throughout her career as a BLADE. She didn't understand why she was feeling like this now, but then she realized that major parts of her murderous personality had faded when she finally confronted and dealt with Dale Gibbon. She also realized that her heart had been opening up because of the interference of Cross giving her a chance despite having betrayed him and Irina.

She was back on good terms with Irina, she knew, but she hadn't realized that she had changed drastically since those events. Granted, she never did kill in cold blood and that her worst sins were that of backstabbing others to obtain the rewards for herself. But those tendencies seemed to have faded away as she acknowledged.

She still earned huge paychecks, but most of her money had been through honest dealings with a small percentage in intercepting dangerous missions before they became public.

It was thanks to Cross that she was where she was now. And it was thanks to him that Mia was here and assigned as her new roommate. To top it all off, Mia was practically a fangirl of his the way she carried on about how awesome he is and how he saved her from the Ganglion.

Taking a few breaths to calm the rapid beating of her soft mimeosome heart, Murderess stood tall and mentally prepared herself to face Mia again, this time in a way that would make her parents proud.

Upon entering the bathroom once again, she found Mia scooping up the foam onto her face like a beard while gathering another handful to place on top of her head.

"Christmas must've come earlier this year for you!" Mia declared in a deep of a voice as she could. "Ho ho ho!"

Murderess couldn't help but give a sincere smile at the girl's naivety. As if irony didn't favor her enough, Mia's childlike wonder had helped remind her on how she used to be growing up, all sweet and mushy like a real fairy princess. As she would sooner bite her tongue than to admit it, she misjudged the Rookie and secretly became fond of her to the point that she wanted to preserve that innocence. Murderess had long lost hers the day of her parents' murders. She really didn't want anyone have to deal with that trauma for as long as they still have theirs.

"… Right, thanks for the gift, Mia," Murderess said, holding up the filled jar of bath salts.

"No problem!" Mia responded. "Anyway, you don't have to worry about me leeching off of you like today. I'm usually hanging out with new friends I've made from my adventures. They're usually on the Ma-non ship. In fact, I've met these nice xeno girls and we're planning a good old girls' night out soon. You're definitely welcome to join, Murderess! We're looking to find as many girls to come along to really make it a party."

"That sounds lovely, hon," Murderess remarked, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. "Just let me know what's up beforehand."

"Sweetness! Hey, since we're going to be roomies and all, would you mind telling me your real name? I don't care if it's embarrassing or not, but I really want to get to know you on a more personal level."

"I'm afraid that can't be won over within just a day of meeting me."

"Aw, please? I'm sure if the Chief was here, you'd be more receptive!"

"Well, he is one of the few that knows who I really am. Same with Akulov."

"Irina too?! Come on! Don't leave me out of the loop! I'll still call you 'Murderess' in public if that's what you want! Pinkie promise!"

" _Sigh_ … Sharon."

"Sorry?"

"Sharon Effinger. That _was_ my name."

"That's a really nice name. Be proud of it, Sharon!"

"Yeah… Someday."

"Well, whatever's holding you back, Mia is here to help you be proud of that name again! We're in this for the long haul, Sharon!"

"Heh… Thanks."

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 **It was hard to tell if I made Murderess a bit too OOC, but I'd like to think that she's friendlier after taking care of all her affinity missions and get all her heart-to-hearts. She's just one of those characters you originally dislike, but you somehow grow to like a lot, at least for my case.**

 **And I've wanted to write something for that little fireball, Mia, who is still totally worth recruiting despite all the trouble getting to her. She may have been a ditz, but her character development had the most growth after all.**

 **These two don't have any particular affinity or post-battle banter together, so this I just came up with this recently. This isn't much, but I know there'll be better ones in the future, either from me or other XCX writers.**

 **Please review!**


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